HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW YOUR SPOUSE?

It is a well known fact that most couples claim to know their spouse like the back of their hands.  Some could go as far as telling you in detail what their spouse loves in terms of food, colour, sizes in shoes and clothes, their dislikes and mood swings.  When the chips are down, you hear same spouse

screaming their heads off that they do not know their partner could do this or that or go to such length. In some cases, some spouses do know  each other to the extent that when they tell you, this is how my  husband/wife will react in certain conditions, or handle some matters in certain ways, it is the absolute truth. It is so pathetic that some spouse do not even know who they sleep with daily. They may be nonchalant and since they are married, there is no point in studying or getting to know each other.  How well do you know your spouse?

With the increasingly alarming rate of killing one’s spouse, it leaves no stone unturned that the victims do not know their spouses well enough before entering into relationship.  A man that beats a lady black and blue during courtship will definitely kill her if they get married.  There is nothing like “I will change him” or “he will change” or “It is just a matter of time and prayer ”...  In as much as God answers prayers, I hope you will be alive to see your prayers answered because if you are six feet under, it will make no impact and from the grave yard of you will be like  “had I known, I would have been wiser”. What makes you think you can change an adult and perfect the work his parents could not do. If he/she cannot work on self to be a good or better person, what makes you think you can do the miracle. It is not easy to bend an adult. You must wear perseverance like khaki cloth if that is the path you choose to thread. No wonder, so many heads are rolling in the quest to stay married. 

Domestic violence cuts across the globe.  In the olden days, men were noted for being easily provoked, violent and man handling their spouse at the slightest opportunity.  It was rare to hear that a woman killed her husband.  In this computer age , the reverse is the case. Women have grown wings. They have become wiser. They have become learned, even competing and dominating in jobs meant only for men. There are women commercial drivers, engineers, architects, lawyers and so on. They have been empowered and in the process many of them become violent and hard hearted than men. 

A woman will serve delicious poisonous food with a straight face with the intention to kill her man.  She may be dating a younger man outside and needs absolute freedom to frolic with him and go and come as she so desire.  The husband or partner has become a stumbling block and need to be eliminated either by crook or force. Another thing that can trigger killing the spouse is if she finds out he is cheating on her. Most women can not bear the pain. They will resort to killing in other to save their honour. And the spouse will never in his wildest imagination envisage being eliminated by his partner.

Research show that women that murders their men are usually the ones who picked the guys and do thorough clean up on them.  The guys agree to marriage so that they can see daily food and some coins to throw around.  When you evaluate such relationship, you see that there is no love lost between them.  In such cases, the woman is desperate for marriage and the guy being the next available man, before you say “jack”, they are walking down the aisle. If the woman suspects, investigates and find out the man is cheating, you can never imagine what she is capable of doing. It is said that hell knew no fury like a woman scorned.  Such women are capable of killing and it is my candid advice that their husbands should be wise and know when not to cross the boundary. Do not cheat and take care of another woman from her hard earned money because you may get more than you bargained for. In the Western part of Nigeria, a woman recently murdered her spouse in cold blood over ladies calling him a lot. She claimed she warned him severally not to entertain such calls and the man never desist from such attitude. She prepared his best meal and the poor man unknowingly ate his last supper.  She hit him hard with a pestle on the neck and he slumped. 

A neighbor who went to go borrow something from her noticed what had happened and raised alarm. People rushed to save the man but before they got to hospital he gave up but not without telling them his wife murdered him. The spouse tried to deny but the blood on the pestle was enough evidence.  It all boils down to how well do you know your spouse?

I watched a video of a woman whose husband was a notorious Kidnapper Kingpin.  She cried her eyes out when the he was arrested and paraded in Police station for all to see.  She claimed she never knew her husband was a Kidnapper.  She thought he was into import and export. What easily comes to one’s mind is whether the woman is daft.  How come you claim not to know what your husband does for a living.  Have you ever taken time off your salon-and-shopping-spree-busy schedule to visit the shops where the imported goods are stored.  How often do you hear his phone conversation to his overseas business partners?. How often does he travel to bring in goods? How often do you see receipts, bills of lading, exchange rate or money transfer papers in his briefcase or bedroom?  Some claim the man covered his tracks well.  I do not think any reasonable woman in the right frame of mind can be tricked so easily.  The problem is that the women are prejudiced and blinded by money. As a commentator rightly said, “she will not know what her husband does for a living, because he buys her the latest cars, sponsors trips to overseas and showers her with expensive jewelries.  In that case he is the best husband whether he kills people to make money.  She is only interested in herself and children.  Had the police not accosted and arrested him, she would still be enjoying his ill-gotten wealth from kidnap ransoms -where victims have lost their lives because their families could not meet up with such ransoms… How well do your know your spouse?

There is another case of a notorious armed robber whose wife in question said she did not know her husband’s business in the night was robbery but she knew he always leave home most nights and comes back in the wee hours of the morning. The story has it that the man lay off one of his staff without paying him. Being a very intelligent person, the staff noticed some shady dealings from his boss while working with him.  As he later said, there was a particular room in the office that workers were never allowed to go near not to talk of entering.   It was only the boss and some of his so-called-armed-robbery gangs that enters and go as they wish.  The guy tipped off the police to investigate his boss. Luckily enough, his elder brother was a police man. It happened that the police came late in the night and questioned the receptionist.  They told her to call her boss and report that some people came to meet him for important business meeting.  She made the phone call in fear because they pointed a gun at her.  As usual, the phone conversation was on loud speaker to enable both parties (receptionist and police men) hear her boss.  Not knowing that the phone was on loudspeaker, the boss told her “Go into my office, I think I left the door open mistakenly, take that bag from there to the next room.  I will soon be with you”. The young girl agreed and when she hung up, the police men followed her to the said office and lo and behold, the bag in question was filled with AK 47 gun, pistols, ammunition, bullets, gloves, face masks and everything a renowned robber uses. The police took pictures and took the bag as evidence while waiting for the boss to reach the office.  As the case may have it, he never got to the office because he got wind of the police surrounding his office.  There is no doubt there was a snitch among the police men.  It  was very obvious one of them on his pay roll has either sent a text or called him in a coded manner that he is about to be apprehended.  The business-man-turned-armed robber never got to his office. Even when the police divided themselves and set out to his house with the receptionist, he was not home as he has absconded.  It was only his wife and three children that they met. The wife owned up that he just woke her and said he has an emergency meeting and will be coming back later.  She said even the way he hurriedly dressed up, told her something was wrong but she was not able to pinpoint what it was.  When they told her what happened and why they came, she was furious, shouting and screaming that her husband is and can never be a robber though she knew sometimes he goes out late in the night.  She thought he enjoys clubbing. Clubbing, indeed!.   “Haba, people have been fooled enough and are not chewing sticks. Everyday is for the thief but one day is for the owner”. When she went to her husband’s office with the police and the room that nobody ever enters including herself was broken, she never believed what she saw.  She does not need a soothsayer to tell her that the man she married for almost fifteen years lived a double life.  He doubles as a working class man in the day and an armed robber in the night. What she saw made her to understand that her husband has killed many in the course of his night job.  How well do you know your spouse?

No one knows for sure if these women and many more out there are being truthful. The  truth of the matter is if really your spouse is into a secret shady deals and you have no wind or knowledge of it, it means you have failed not only as a partner, but as a person.  If your spouse spends more than what he/she earns daily or monthly, you should know find out especially if  the extra income is  coming   from somewhere you do not know of.  This is when a good spouse should dig deep to find out what the other is up to. Your spouse need not know you are investigating him/her in order to avoid unnecessary fight.  One needs to apply wisdom and diplomacy in such cases because many have lost their lives in the course of finding out what ordinarily they should never know.

I knew a lady that said her husband never takes his calls in her presence except if his parents or siblings called.  Other times, he will tell her to excuse him or leave her presence to take his calls. He travels  non stop and most times always on impulse.  It meant nothing to her so long as he puts food on the table and pick up the bills.  Little did she know she was digging her own grave by ignoring such signs and warnings.  She never knew her husband had another family somewhere and one unfortunate day, just like in the movies, the man had a heart attack and died. He left a Will and everything went to his other family leaving the lady and her children penniless. She could not afford a good lawyer to contest the Will because she does not have the resources to pay.  She resorted to begging but the trauma never left her. How well do you know your spouse?

You need to be conscious of your surroundings and your partner’s temperament while dating.  You need to know if you can sleep soundly without fear of being hurt by the other as the case may be.  Though most times, it is said women hides their true identity till after marriage.  That is basically true.  I do not believe a person can hide who she really is without exploding once and for all through the courtship.  That is where as I mentioned earlier, if you can not discern who your partner is, you have failed. Even when your partner cooks up lies and make it look  like an express road, if you are wise enough, you should know that something is fishy.  Men should not be deceived by the beauty of a woman or the affluence from her or her family.  Do not enter alive and come out dead by the same woman you claim to love.  If she truly loves you, she will never do anything to hurt you even when she is really hurting. She will desire to talk things over with her spouse in other to restore peace and sanity.  Women should also not be deceived by affluence and riches from men.  Remember, men are moved by what they see.  With due respect to them, they do not reason back and front like a woman whey they are faced with reality. It is a well known fact that most men keep lovers outside their matrimonial homes. No one knows  what happens to most of them as some will eat and forget their family not knowing what hit   them.  Some will end up with baggage they did not plan to travel with. A woman should not push her spouse to give what you know he cannot afford.  Do not push him into ritualism.  Do not push him into robbery.  Do not push him into kidnapping.  Do not compare him with others. No two marriages are the same.  Every marriage is peculiar in its own way.  The sooner spouse study and know each other, the better family and society will be. Do try as much as possible to know your spouse.